Trouble With Foursomes
by Howling WereWolf
Summary: When Xavier adopted three young mutants and their pet dog, no one saw what was coming their way. Sue me, but my mind got frazzled from mental block triggered by Dark Canine and X Generation. Stars Lockheed(OC), Zantos, Chang, Bane & Sidus.
1. First Impressions, Anybody?

PROLOGUE

"You're kidding me."

"No. It's true."

"C'mon, Chuck. This is just a big joke, right?"

"Not at all."

"Very funny Charles. Joke's over already!"

Professor Xavier stared intensely at Logan and shook his head a final time.

Logan grunted and threw up his hands in frustration. "Fine. You're not kidding. But why Chuck?"

"The same reason why we are all here, Logan." Xavier replied. "We're going to help these children to master their powers and fit in with their peers."

Logan was still skeptical. "I know that, but isn't this bringing it a little too far?"

"What's bringing what a little too far, Wolverine?"

The two adults turned to see their finely nurtured team of X-Men walk in. "Sorry we're late, Professor. Are we interrupting something?"

"No. You're just in time. Sit down."

Once the team was settled, Xavier broke the news to them. "Just last Saturday, I managed to locate the position of three very young mutants. I was just telling Logan about my plan to bring them to the mansion."

One raised his hand for an inquiry. "So where are these kids?"

"The Bayville Orphanage. Scott and Jean will drive over in the SUV to pick them up later."

"The orphanage? Are you saying.....?"

"Yup." Logan grunted. "Chuck's adopting them."

There was a moment of shocked silence.

Scott forced out a small laugh. "You're kidding me."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"So he wasn't kidding."

All this new information was a little too much for Scott's cerebellum. "I agree with Logan. Isn't this bringing it a little too far?"

"The Professor says this is the fastest way to bring them in."

"Yeah, but also the riskiest." Scott flipped through the papers that he had been given. "You realize how different adoption is from ordinary recruitment. We can't just send them back where they came from or push them elsewhere if we can't handle them. They're gonna be stuck with us for good."

"Which is exactly why we must do our best to accept them, and in turn have them accept us." Jean turned at the corner. "Can you read me their names while you're going through that paper? Gotta be ready when we meet them."

Scott flipped a couple of pages. "Okay, here it is. Chang Letian. 8 years old. Hanagata Zantos. 6 years old. Bane Albright. 5 years old."

Jean nodded as she pulled up in the parking lot. "All right. Let's do this."

The attendant at the counter greeted them with a smile. "Good evening. May I help you."

"Yeah." Jean handed her the documents. "We're here to pick up three children."

The attendant took the paper, read it, and her eyes widened. "These three?"

When the answer was an affirmative nod, she gave them a piteous look through her horn-rimmed glasses. "I wish you the best of luck with them."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Okay you three. Out."

"What?" 

"Like, why Matron?"

"Yeah. What did I - I mean, what did we do?"

"Enough. Now hustle! You've been adopted by this......Caviar person."

"Caviar?!" Chang screwed his face in disgust.

Zantos giggled. "Our new Dad's named after fish eggs?!"

"That's none of your business. Let's go!" The stout woman turned back to Bane, the smallest and youngest of the three, as he ran to his bunk. "Now what are you doing?"

"I've gotta, y'know, get Sidus!" The boy tugged out a mass of sleek black fur that was almost as big as him. With great determination burning in his gray eyes, Bane carried the bundle out of the room and down the hallway. The matron sighed heavily as she ushered them to the main office. Standing beside the attendant were two tall people, a woman with long red hair and a guy with short brown hair and sunglasses.

Bane's burden quivered, and a pair of brown eyes appeared. There was a tiny growl as it broke free from the boy's grasp and charged across the room.

"Sidus! No! Get back here!"

Too late was the command issued as puppy teeth connected with cloth.

The women and children winced as the man screamed bloody murder, the small black animal dangling from the seat of his pants like a fish on a hook.

Zantos grinned and held up his hand to Chang. "That's gotta be the best first impression we've made this year!" Chang shared the high-five, grinning as well.

The attendant hissed air from between her teeth. "It looks like you're going to need more luck than I can give you."

= * =

Sorry if I screwed up the orphanage part, but I've never been to one.

Sorry also for how pathetically short this first chapter is. I'll try to make the next chapters longer.

I've categorized this story as General so far, cos' I don't know what category it should go under. Give me a hand by including your opinion in your review.

Until next time, this is Howling WereWolf signing off.

= * = * = * =


	2. Verifications

Hi again! The all crazy Howling WereWolf here!

This isn't really an update. Just a couple of things that a friend of mine mailed me to verify.

In this fic, Chang Letian is 8 years old, but he is supposed to be 20 years old in the fic I created him for - 'I Can't Tell You' by Zakonius.

Sorry bout the misunderstanding, Zach. Guess I should have mentioned it to you first.

Bane, Zantos and Sidus have also been 'chibified' (is that a word?) making them kids when they aren't supposed to be.

I meant this as an individual fic, with no real reference to any of my other fics or Zakonius' fic.

Anyway, here's me signing off.

Have a nice day and don't shoot me dead yet.


	3. A Fried Toupee, A Genetically Engineered...

CHAPTER 1

On the way back to the mansion, someone wasn't taking the earlier meeting too well.

Jean sighed. "Calm down Scott. It didn't even tear your jeans."

"The Professor did not, and I mean DID NOT, mention a dog!" Scott fumed. "Much less a rabid hell hound incarnate!"

The three boys and the puppy were seated in the back of the SUV, all reasonably quiet.

"I'm, like, so sorry, Mr. Scott." Bane held his dog tightly in his lap. "I'm sure Sidus didn't mean to, y'know, bite you."

~_**He meant to rip Mr. Crabby's boxers off.**_~

Chang snickered, while Zantos remained silent with an evil grin on his face.

Jean pointedly glared at the little Japanese through the rear view mirror. ~_I heard that, young man. That wasn't very nice._~

The kid looked back at her defiantly. ~_If Michael Jackson can get more than a hundred nose jobs, Osama bin Laden can dive-bomb the twin towers, and George W. Bush can bomb Iraq for oil, then I can think what I like._~

Jean sighed again as she stepped on the gas. It was going to be a long drive back.

_~**Hey Lady! Don't I get any credit for knowing world events?**_~

Jean growled mentally. ~_Zantos. Final warning._~

~_**What did I do?**_~

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Ah. I believe they'll be arriving shortly." Xavier turned and headed for the elevator. "Hank, Ororo and Logan, how about we go down and make our new recruits feel at home?"

"New recruits. Humph!" Logan grumbled. "Death sentences more like."

"Come now, Wolverine. You've been complaining since Scott and Jean left to pick them up."

"You don't know the destruction a kid, let alone an underage brat, is capable of."

"You don't have to be so negative, my friend." Hank smiled. "We'll just let paternal instincts do the job. After all, it's only three children. How hard could it possibly be?"

"Am I right to assume you're not married?"

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The SUV slowed to a halt at the stop light downtown. The earlier hostility was no longer as thick as it used to be, and the children were finally behaving themselves.

"Miss Jean?"

"Miss Jean?"

"Miss Jean?"

Jean looked back at three grinning little faces. "Yes?"

"Can we open the door?"

"Just a teeny little bit?"

"Before the light, y'know, changes?"

"Well......."

"Please?"

"Please?"

"Please?"

"Alright. But only until the change of light."

With an eager scramble, the SUV door was pulled back halfway and the kids eagerly peeked out.

"Like, wow Zan! You're right! There really is a senior citizen on, y'know, the sidewalk!"

"You sure _ojiisan_ is within range?"

"Yeah."

Wondering what they were talking about, Scott turned to look out the window. As Jean drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, she swore she heard an audible *bezap* before the hurried slam of the door.

Scott suddenly spun his head back around to stare dead ahead. "Jean. Speed it up a bit later."

"What happened?"

"Shanghai Kid back there just fried someone's toupee clean off."

"I was born in Beijing." Chang corrected him. "Anyway, I'm sure he'll be thankful."

"Yup." Zantos added. "Especially when a nice cool breeze blows by."

Indeed. It was **definitely** going to be a long, **long** trip back.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Jamie looked out the window in time to see the SUV pull over. "Looks like they're here."

"Great!" Another Jamie grinned. "I'm no longer the youngest!"

"Officially, the moment they come through the door." Added yet another Jamie. Soda cans 'clanked' as they toasted the occasion.

"Hey Nightcrawler. Why the jitters?" Bobby asked.

"I zink zey vill freak out vhen zey see me." Kurt fiddled with his tail nervously.

"You'll be fine. Let's go greet them. Coming, Gambit?"

Remy deserted the couch and joined the procession out to the living room.

Jean, Scott, three kids and a puppy entered the room.

"Now I want you to behave yourselves. And I mean all of you. Understood?" Jean was telling them.

Just at that minute, Lockheed got tired of trying to catch all the falling leaves in the garden and flew in.

The smallest boy saw Lockheed and his eyes promptly bulged out. "Like, HOLY COW!!!! What on earth did you, like, do to your dog?!?!"

"It's genetic engineering!!" Chimed the middle one, waving an encyclopedia. "It's gotta be!! It's all in the book!!"

"What's the big deal about Lockheed?" (Let us bow our heads in memory of these faithful last words.)

"He's behind this!!" The biggest accused. His finger was pointed directly at Remy LeBeau.

"PHILISTINE!!!!"

"BIGOT!!!!"

"MAGGOT!!!!"

"But Remy did no-AGGHHH!!!!"

Without another moment of delay, the three little nutcases pounced on the poor Cajun and disappeared in a cartoon-like cloud of dust and limbs. (Wait a minute. X-Men Evolution **is** a cartoon! At least, that's the listing in fanfiction.net)

"HURT HIM!!!!"

"BLEED HIM!!!!"

"KILL HIM!!!!"

The black puppy yawned. He grunted in Lockheed's direction, and the two curled up together behind the couch and slept through the chaos. (Isn't that mental picture the sweetest thing you could think of?)

Scott blinked, and then grabbed a pencil and started jotting down yet another idea under his 'How To Kill With Pain And Cliché' in a little notepad. I think he published his collection as a book which entered the Bestseller listings many years later. Now, wouldn't that make a great fanfic idea?

(Howling WereWolf gets bonked by a Pikachu squeaker toy, prompting her to quit interrupting and get on with the story.)

"Maybe someone should stop them?"

"Are you kidding? They're the only entertainment we have until the 'Rush Hour' rerun at seven!" Bobby was sitting cross-legged on the carpet with a bowl of nachos.

Jean left the room, shaking her head in defeat. With any luck, the Professor would have a more successful control the little savages than she did.

= * =

I got the idea of Scott calling Chang 'Shanghai Kid' from watching Shanghai Noon. I claim no ownership rights.

I think I might have fouled up Jamie and his whole cloning thing. The same goes to Gambit, some way or another, but I've no idea about French accent or whatnot. I hereby apologize to the purists and professionals.

Be also warned of more Remy-bashing. I don't hate him or anything, but inspiration works in funny ways.

What can I say? I'm an amateur.

= * = * = * =


End file.
